If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
