He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
