I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
