I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
