Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
