thus making me awesome and them whores
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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