I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
