So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
