names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
