well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
