Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
