watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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