Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Pooping to opera.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
