those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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