You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
