Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
