My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
