did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
its liver damage thursday
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
