dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We're too hungover to prance.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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