Can i not drive my cunt home
farters have to be the big spoon...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
