Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
