i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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