I feel like I'm in dance class right now
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
