Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
