you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
