There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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