who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
