someone get that fucking seahorse.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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