I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
