oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
