wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize