So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
