I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She needs sedatives and a leash
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
