you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
