Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
