I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
