I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
