They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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