its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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