you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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