epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
