So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How drunk are you?
Completed.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
