i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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