I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
