If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
