Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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