I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
