Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
