Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
