dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
