I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
