im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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