I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
