Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
