I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
