Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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