there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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