im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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