threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
