Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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