So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
