ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
