wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize