I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize