I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
