I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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