were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
