She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
