My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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