just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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